Oh waffles, you quadrangles of gridded delight, is there nothing you can’t do? No ill you cannot overcome? No foe you will not vanquish? These epicurean wonders are the epitome of civilized breakfast fare, the last bastions of all that is Good and Yummy in our world against the onrushing Hordes of Banality.
Consider the pleasing solidity of the waffle: four sides, four corners – promising strength and support and shelter, bulwarks against the common irregularity of the fruits and eggs with which the waffle shares the mealtime plate. Marvel at the seamless synthesis of elements both rigid and soft – the firm lattice structure contains the spongier matter, providing a deliciously textured experience to even the most jaded palate. The tiny squares, repositories for the life-affirming syrup, mirror the shape of the whole, recapitulating the geometrical motif, granting a casual look into the shape of the underlying construction of the Laws of the Universe.
Yes, my friends, waffles are these things and so much more. No matter how many times you might order them, you will always recall the previous order, regardless of the interstitial duration of time. Carl Jung spoke of the racial memory, and waffles tap into this, confirming the archetypal nature of the Square as a fundamental unit of our collective unconsciousness.
Do you dare to deny the power of the waffle? Consider how effortlessly these marvels of mandibular might adapt themselves to whatever your taste might be: today, you will have them with butter and powdered sugar, a mellow start to a busy morning; tomorrow, perhaps strawberries will adorn your plate, ushering into being an afternoon of challenge and triumph; the next day, you might prefer embedded blueberries, each bite a whimsical guessing game, with a depthcharge-like explosion of sudden extra flavor awaiting the anticipatory bite, preparing itself for that night’s journeys into nocturnal adventure.
For the waffle is not bound by the mean strictures of temporal exactitude – they may be enjoyed at any time, day or night, pre-activity or post-, as an enticement or a reward. Their inherent composition taking on as many forms as your daily breads, topped with ever more exotic combinations of syrupy, sugary flavors to dazzle your tastebuds and engendering only the most pleasant of synaesthetic buzzings in your body.
I hereby offer to you, O Learned and Wise listeners, nothing less than the Consummate Food of Our Time. Laud it! Embrace it! Shout approbations to the heavens, that all may know the sublimity and satisfaction to be gained by the merest approach of a plate heaped dizzyingly high with waffles, the epitome of mankind’s gastronomic achievements!
(Paid for by the Consortium of Pancake Haters of Belgium)
All my life I’ve been waiting for this
The stars align and the planet’s promise
And all Creation united strong in a
Perfect Love, baby, Perfect Love
Perfect Love
-- “Perfect Love”, Jane Child
