Board Beatings
Or, "Bored Meetings", whichever you prefer. Is there any more mind-numbing, soul-deadening waste of anyone's time than a company meeting? There really is no analog to this event in nature. One must justify one's existence in the company by pretending to really care about the new paradigm, the low-hanging fruit, being a rockstar/rainmaker, and all of those other obsequious buzzwords the higher-ups like to bandy about in the meeting room.
I sat in on a meeting the other day, just to observe the phenomenon. I sat down right in the middle of the big table around which everyone sat and smelled the desperation, fear, and anxiety. Heaven help the worker bee who had not filed his TP report on time, or missed the office memo currently circulating like a nasty virus. Even more horrible are the marketing types who seem to genuinely enjoy these meetings, with their plastic smiles and their forced and false bonhomie... I swear these human units should be rounded up and forced to endure 3 straight days of the chorus of 'It's a Small World' repeated endlessly by chipmunks.
Even I, in my ectoplasmic state, could only endure so much. I had to slip down through the table and on into the floor, passing down through the building's levels until I ended up in a snack machine, where I had endless fun watching the faces of the people being frustrated by the unworking mechanisms of the vendor. Ooh, yes, get that packet of peanut butter crackers! Oh no! The spring thingy got stuck! Now you can't get your empty calories! Yes, bang on the glass, that always works!
This moment of corporate angst brought to you by the letter AAARRRRGRGGGHHHHHH!!!
I wonder if I’ll ever get to where I want to be
Better believe it, I’m working for the cash machine
-- “Cash Machine”, Hard-Fi
